Name: Mel
Favorite Christmas Movie: Home Alone

Everything's Different

Starring: Taylor
Rating: PG

The lights reflected off her face as she glanced up at the house. Nothing seemed the same, and she didn’t know why it mattered. It had been three years; nothing should stay the same after such a long time. She didn’t expect it too. Not really. Truthfully, though, she wished it had. It might not hurt as much if just a little part of the old house had looked the same. But it didn’t. There were new Christmas decorations in the front yard, new LCD blue lights on the house instead of the bulky multi-colored lights they used to have stapled to the house. Even the house itself had been given a paint job; she could tell even in the dark that it wasn’t the same shade of blue. It was lighter.  

Even the damn weather had played the time trick, there usually wasn’t this much snow. No, the snow was usually only an inch or two, not the eight inches that there was under her feet.  

“Here we go,” she whispered to herself. She took the first steps watching as the colored lights splashed across her clothes and the bags she handled.  

Before she got to the door to knock - hell before she even got to the second step on the stairs - the door flew open and revealed someone that she was hoping to avoid if she could. He stood there in his stupid Christmas sweater he wore every year - the one with the stupid looking reindeers. It figures that would be one of the only things not to change on her.  

Life sucks, she thought to herself as she hauled herself up the last three steps. 

It bothered her that she couldn’t really see the expression that he wore. She wanted to know if he was mad, just so she could prepare for it. Although, she was already sure he wouldn’t break out and do a jig at seeing her. She abandoned the family, at least she knew that’s what most of the family thought. Never mind that she had her own life to live. Never mind that she thought she was doing what needed to be done. Never mind that for once in her life she was going to follow her heart and not her head. 

He folded his arms across his chest as he stood in the doorway; he looked ready for a fight.  

She sighed and set down her bags. “Tay –” 

“Stop.” His voice was cold. “I really don’t want to hear it.” 

She took a step toward him. “I really didn’t mean to – ” 

“To what? Walk away and never call?” 

“I called.” 

“You never called me. You never called Ike or Zac,” he stated. 

She knew that was true, but she didn’t want the painful rejection that she knew would have come if she had called. She wasn’t strong enough to handle something like that back then. She was stronger now - wiser too, and she knew she had to own up to her mistakes before she could make things right. “I just thought that it was best and I didn’t want you to –” 

“I could care less.” She could see his face now. An older Taylor stood before her and she couldn’t help it as her mind flashed tiny memories at her. 

“Please, Taylor.” 

“What in the hell are you doing here?” 

“It’s Christmas.” 

“It was Christmas the year before, and the year before that, and the next year too. I didn’t see you here.” 

“Taylor! Who are you talking to? You’re letting in all the cold air,” a voice from behind Taylor said. 

“No one, Mom,” he replied. He let his arms fall at his sides as a slim arm wrapped around his shoulders and gently pushed him aside.  

The look on the older woman’s face was something she would always remember. The look of pain and relief mixed with anger. Of course she would be angry, she thought, although, she really didn’t want her to be angry. She wanted her to be happy.  

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” she said weakly.  

“Jessica!” The older woman screamed as she reached for the younger woman and pulled her into a hug. It was a welcome embrace full of warmth and Jessica sank into it. She smelled of cinnamon and sugar - a smell Jessica never forgot. Her mother always smelled of cinnamon and sugar during the holidays.  

Maybe it was the outside that changed, and not the inside, Jessica thought as she pulled away from her mother and smiled at her. A cough from the doorway reminded her that they weren’t alone. Taylor still stood in the doorway and he still looked like someone had chucked his favorite piano onto the freeway. Or maybe not, she thought.  

“Come in, Jess. Everyone is going to be so surprised to see you!” her mother shouted in excitement. The anger was gone from her face. Although she doubted it, Jessica hoped that everyone else would as easily. She knew that the majority of the people in the house were not going to welcome her with open arms like her mother did. Most of them were going to be just as furious as Taylor or worse, not even know her or remember her. She knew from the few calls to her mother over the years that Zac and Isaac had gotten married and that all three of her older brothers had babies. She doubted very much if little Ezra even remembered her and Isaac’s wife didn’t even know her and vise versa.  

Jessica wished like hell over the last three years that she could change the choice she made. Go back in time and see that it wasn’t terrible being Jessica Hanson. It wasn’t such a big deal to have brothers that were famous. She wished she could tell her former self that the life she had wasn’t as appalling as she thought; that it could – and would – get much worse than that if she decided to leave everything behind.  

But she had made that choice, and she couldn’t take it back. She would still be standing here on her mother’s porch with her mother hugging her and her older brother glaring at her from the doorway.  

Before she knew it, she was being dragged toward the door; her mother’s hand wrapped tightly around her forearm and her bags in her mother’s other hand. “Come on in, Jess,” her mother said as she let go of her daughter’s arm and slipped into the house, squeezing past Taylor.  

Gathering up her courage, Jessica walked toward her brother, fear coursing through her. She knew that she had hurt him, and unlike a lot of the family, Taylor did not forgive easily - not that that what Jessica wanted. She wanted to be eventually be part of the family again. All she prayed for was a little understanding. 

“Don’t think that just because you waltz back in here that you don’t have a lot of explaining to do,” Taylor whispered harshly into her ear. He turned on his heel and went into the house.  

Blinking back tears, Jessica glanced up at the sky. The inky black stared back at her. Low clouds hid the moon and stars so that they couldn’t even give her hope. As the snow started to fall again, Jessica set her face into a small smile and walked through the door. She could get through this - she needed them, and, after all, they were her family. Despite everything, that had to mean something.

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